The Road Trip from Hell
by Sai's Fujiwara
Summary: The Son and Brief families get together for a road trip. Problem is, they are stuck in a minivan with no restrooms...


The scene opens as Goku, Gohan, Goten, and Chichi are enjoying a peaceful dinner. (It's as peaceful as it gets when you are eating with three hungry Saiyans who never seem to use manners, or always have to be reminded to use them.) Then Goten turns on the TV next to the kitchen table, much to the despair of Chichi. "Looking for a good way to spend the summer? Enjoy the serenity and mystique of Carlsbad Caverns and the fun waterpark nearby." The screen changed to show a bunch of kids going down what appeared to be a huge waterslide. "Call 1-800-CAVERNS for more information." Chichi got up to turn it off, but once again to her despair, Goten was about to ask if he could go to that waterpark. She knew him well. "Dad, I want to see the mystique of the caverns."  
  
" What's mystique?" replied Goku. He was once again talking with his mouth full.  
  
"Ask mom."  
  
Chichi stared in disgust. " No way! You have to study for the test tomorrow!"  
  
"Mom," interrupted Gohan. " It's educational and fun. Even Dad might learn something."  
  
Chichi sighed, knowing that she had been defeated. "Well, okay."  
  
"Let's get Trunks to come too!" Goten exclaimed.  
  
A Moment of Silence  
  
"Dear God, no..." Chichi knew that if she invited Trunks, she would have to invite Bulma, (which was actually good, now she had someone to "chat" with) and of course Vegeta would be dragged kicking and screaming, and once in the car he would descend into the cranky state he was famous for. She shivered at the thought, but she picked up the phone and dialed the number to Carlsbad Caverns anyway.  
  
"Caverns Reservation Hotline," rambled the travel agent.  
  
"I need to know how much it'll be for the- um, wait a second. Someone's beeping in on the other line. Hello?"  
  
Bulma was on the other line "Chichi? We were wondering if you like to accompany us to Carlsbad Caverns." A weird chill came over Chichi.  
  
"Sure. We'd love to go. When are you leaving?"  
  
"After Trunks comes back from soccer practice." Chichi didn't know whether to be grateful that the Briefs were once again covering the expenses, or to be afraid that it was some kind of omen.  
  
Then she wondered, "Why the hell would Trunks play soccer?"  
  
Bulma was on the other line. "Chichi? Chichi?"  
  
She lay on the floor, for she had fainted.  
  
One Hour Later  
  
"I SWEAR, WOMAN! I'M NOT GONNA SIT BACK THERE WITH KAKARROT!" yelled Vegeta angrily.  
  
"Well Chichi's in the front and-"  
  
"JUST GET THAT CLOWN TO DO INSTANT TRANSMISSION!"  
  
"Well why don't you tell him yourself?"  
  
Vegeta closed his mouth and sat promptly in the back seat. Trunks climbed into the seat next to Vegeta.  
  
"Whazzup, Pops. Give me some skin, dude!" Trunks held out his hand.  
  
"What have I told you about slang?" Vegeta was unresponsive.  
  
"Pops say, 'no tell no slang'. Now gimme some skin." Trunks patiently held out his hand, waiting.  
  
Vegeta's temples became overcome with veins in anger. It was a bad sign to everyone involved.  
  
"I TOLD YOU NOT TO USE SLANG IN FRONT OF ME!"  
  
Bulma came in just in time to see Vegeta grabbing Trunks by the neck and squeezing until Trunks turned blue.  
  
"Vegeta!"  
  
Vegeta looked up to see his angry wife standing in front of him with what looked like Chichi's Frying Pan of Doom in her hand. Vegeta slowly stopped to buckle his seat belt, never taking his eyes away from the frying pan. Trunks followed suit.  
  
"Good," said Bulma triumphantly. As she tucked her frying pan away into a capsule, she grinned. Actions spoke louder than words when it came to getting their attention. She got in the driver's seat and started the engine. Nothing more was heard from the father and son duo in the back.  
  
"Mom, hurry up! Bulma's here!" Goten yelled in glee as the cruiser pulled up in front of their house. After what seemed like an hour, Goku waddled out of the house carrying what seemed to be everything they owned inside about twenty extra-large suitcases.  
  
"Vegeta, help Goku with the luggage," said Bulma.  
  
"Dammit," said Vegeta under his breath. He got up and helped Goku jam every last suitcase into the trunk, muttering the whole time. Then Chichi told them that her travel bag belonged in the front seat, so they had to take all the luggage out and start again from scratch, trying to figure out which bag was the "travel" bag. After another hour of logical thinking from both sides, Chichi grabbed the right one and set it on the front seat. Vegeta and Goku looked at each other in bewilderment.  
  
"How the fuck did she know that was the right one?"  
  
Goku scratched the back of his head in confusion. "Beats me..."  
  
Eventually, every last suitcase was once again jammed into the trunk, this time with Goku muttering "Why me", and Vegeta telling him to "Shut the hell up or I'll kill you!"  
  
"So Vegeta... where do I sit?" asked Goku as he smiled a smile so large it made Vegeta angry, as usual.  
  
Vegeta mumbled, "Up my ass, you bastard."  
  
"Huh? Can you repeat that?" asked Goku. His smile faded into the current face of pure puzzlement.  
  
Then Vegeta replied, " Over there." He pointed to the middle seat in the back row.  
  
"Oh ... why do you get the cup holder?"  
  
"Because I'm the Prince of all Saiyans."  
  
"The 'Saiyans' except you and I are dead."  
  
"So? I have rights to my own cup holder, unlike you."  
  
He smirked and turned toward the window.  
  
Then Goku asked, "Then why don't I sit on your lap so we will both have a cup holder?"  
  
Vegeta didn't reply.  
  
"My butt isn't real big, so you'll be comfortable too. Actually, I'm very sexy! You should be honored to be my chair!" Goku smiled happily, while Vegeta just grunted and muttered, "Only sexy to Chichi."  
  
Goku remained on the other side of the seat, pouting. Then he asked, "Vegeta, can I sit on the middle seat?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Gohan's there, and so is Goten."  
  
"But they're my sons!"  
  
Then Vegeta handed him a Game Boy, and peace was obtained.  
  
"Mom, I gotta pee!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Mom! I REALLY gotta pee!"  
  
"You should've done it before we left."  
  
Goten looked down at the floor as he squirmed uncontrollably. Goku then noticed a cup in Vegeta's cup holder. He got an idea, and gave the cup to Goten.  
  
"Toilet time!"  
  
Goten stared at him for a moment. He wondered if the cup belonged to anybody, so he checked to see if anyone wanted it back. Vegeta was pressed against the window, asleep. Trunks was playing his Game Boy, which he wouldn't let Goten play. Gohan was studying for something, and Bulma was chatting with Chichi. "Oh well. Here goes."  
  
The urge to urinate overcame his deep thoughts, so he unzipped his zipper and peed in the cup. He then passed it to Goku and he put it back in Vegeta's cup holder.  
  
"Are we there yet?" asked Trunks.  
  
"No," chimed Bulma and Chichi.  
  
"Are we there yet?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Are we?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Well?"  
  
"STOP BEING A BRAT!"  
  
"Okay, mom." Trunks finally admitted defeat against the rigors of the mothers. As a result, he became glued to the scenic view outside the window.  
  
"Vegeta, what are you doing?" asked a bored Goku.  
  
"What does it look like?" replied Vegeta, irritated.  
  
"Uh... are you thirsty?"  
  
"Yeah. Did you refill my cup like you promised?"  
  
Goku pointed to the cup sitting in the cup holder next to Vegeta.  
  
"Over there."  
  
Vegeta picked up the cup and gulped it all down without a second thought.  
  
"Vegeta, wanna know something?" Goku couldn't keep it in any longer.  
  
"Fire away." He wiped his mouth with his hand and set the cup down in its respective spot.  
  
"Goten pissed in that cup."  
  
Awkward Silence  
  
Vegeta's face turned a light shade of green as he puked on the floor. The sound got Trunks's attention. He looked at the floor. Puke was sliding around all over it. Then he put his feet up onto the seat and exclaimed, "So that's where my snow cone went!"  
  
"That was a snow cone?" asked Gohan.  
  
"What else could it be?" asked Goten.  
  
"What's going on back there?" asked Bulma.  
  
"Nothing... "  
  
Everything was quiet except for Goku's crying. Apparently Vegeta took revenge.  
  



End file.
